Bob Kelley's Series

Part 1: Tales from Over the Edge of CHAOS

Part 2: Tales from Over the Edge of CHAOS

Part 3: Tales from Over the Edge of CHAOS

Part 4: Tales from Over the Edge of CHAOS

Part 5: Tales from Over the Edge of CHAOS

Part 6: Tales from Over the Edge of CHAOS

Part 7: Tales from Over the Edge of CHAOS

Part 8: Tales from Over the Edge of CHAOS

Part 9: Tales from Over the Edge of CHAOS

As it closed in on the second full hour of this one-hour meeting, Ms CIO took...

The wonderful news was…… 

Ms. CIO went on saying that this project’s importance to the...

I am not quite sure how to define Ms. CIO but will...

As we approached the two and a half hour mark of our one hour meeting...

Part 10: Tales from Over the Edge of CHAOS

Part 11: Tales from Over the Edge of CHAOS

Part 12: Tales from Over the Edge of CHAOS

Part 13: Tales from Over the Edge of CHAOS

Part 14: Tales from Over the Edge of CHAOS

Part 15: Tales from Over the Edge of CHAOS

Part 16: Tales from Over the Edge of CHAOS

Part 17: Tales from Over the Edge of CHAOS

As previously mentioned, I am one of what numbers well over 100 consultants representing...

Most recently I was asked to perform an in-depth review of one of the custom software program modules

I began to review the contents of the custom package, which consisted of a 12-page technical specification

The purpose of this custom-mod was to add 6 additional fields to an existing screen.

I was not sure what to hold on to or ...

The test plan is a series of controlled events defining the description of each event...

I laid out the technical specification, individual test condition ...

The review of the source code unfortunately aligned pretty closely with the...

I said very little as I laid out the various documents for, he and I to review...

Mr. Tanni joined us and proceeded to review all the...

At this time, I envisioned the help desk function for the actual users being the number for the Dionne Warwick Psychic hotline on speed dial. 

We proceeded to the next field on the screen shot that had no data in it but had passed the display of data test. 

We moved along to the next issue, which was the 2 sets of year-to-date fields.

I could smell the circuits heating up again and thought I could see smoke drifting up from where I was standing. 

I now found myself not obstructing his exit but actually inching towards the exit myself. 

Deciding I had probably done irreparable damage to my well being I went to end the meeting with some general small talk.

Mr. Tanni asked how I received the documents I had done my research on.

My supervisor erupted into song and verse that our group had done over 70 of these evaluations (none to this detail) based on packages that we were given and told were done. 

Arriving back at the facility at 8:00am Saturday I was immediately greeted by Mr. Tanni.

I asked him if he thought that we could pull a commando raid on the document control area and destroy the original version as mine was only a copy.

Firmly establishing that everyone now including me knew that all test plans coming in from offshore were...

To make sure I completely understood the situation I asked him to give me just a one-word answer….

Monday arriving at the facility at 7:30am I was immediately greeted by Mr. Tanni...

Well still on contract assignment out here in La La land where it is never dull. 

The major departments involved in this project are Computer System Validation,

There is a change control system currently in place that only supports changes to documentation.

What little information I was able to obtain from the Directors and Managers of the

I prepared a PowerPoint presentation detailing the project scope, requirements, existing system, what was needed...

We agreed on some minor changes, and I felt the presentation was now ready for prime time.  

I had not been able to catch up with the Director of Quality Assurance during my interview process.

Have you ever noticed that whenever anyone enters a room a certain persona accompanies that person?

When Ms. Willders entered the room, she was accompanied by the music from Bad Bad Leroy Brown. 

I should also mention that on each finger she had a ring with a very large stone setting. 

Ms. Willders opened the meeting by referring to being so busy...

I began the presentation with objectives and moved to...

I advanced to slide 13 and ended with slide 14.  

I asked if she would like Vanilla Ice Cream if it was...

Shortly after the meeting Ms. Willders sent...

It came as no surprise when the same 2 individuals as before sent their regrets for...

The meeting actually started at the appointed time with everybody expected...

I was concerned that I might become extinct.

The actual presentation and viewing of the 5 slides took less than 30 minutes. 

At the conclusion of the slide presentation...

She answered that she thought 8 should be the right number and asked for a second opinion from the IS Manager.  

The meeting concluded with Ms. Wilders and the IS Manager agreeing that 9 slides was the right number for this presentation. 

True to her word Leroy, er Ms. Willders sent me a 31 slide PowerPoint presentation titled “How to create an Effective PowerPoint Presentation. 

Now over my stay here I have made the acquaintance and I would hope some friendships with other consultants and employees of the organization.

Ms. Willders approached and kind of threw the papers she had been carrying on my desk. 

Holding my diskette higher I decided to take the initiative and asked, “What’s the problem”?  

The presentation was just loaded with helpful suggestions of which I will share a sample:

Personally, I have never been one to subscribe to all the hoopla surrounding team building theories.

I set about preparing the 9-slide presentation with new enthusiasm and insight as I believed I finally understood the ultimate goal. 

Calling upon my vast experience in the field of Information Technology I asked myself...

The same attendees as were present at the prior 2 meetings were in attendance for the 3^rd one. 

I opened with the usual greetings and salutations and added that there were 9 slides in total as agreed upon.

When I reached the second step of the workflow where the Department Manager has to sign off approving the request had been properly prepared by someone in his/her Department the QA individual actually said something to the effect of “well, that’ll never work”. 

He went on to state that “managers around here simply won’t do it”. 

Ms. Willders actually got the presentation back on track in an inspirational way when she said let’s continue...

Ms. Willders took control at this time as I sat down to listen...

I did not know what to say or do here as I was not sure...

Some of my slides had bottom-up animation and that sent the...

She continued on, saying that the presentation lacked detail in...

The meeting concluded with Ms. Willders stating that there was just so much for everyone to think about to make this project...

Let The Games Begin or We may not shoot ourselves in the foot but we’ll die trying.

After playing the customary there are not enough chairs game....

She went on to say that she had some exciting news that would make everybody happy but before she shared...

The corporate trainer also began by commending everyone for their hard work and dedication to the project. 

The trainer said that we would all be breaking up into groups and doing some team building exercises.

Our group was truly international and consisted of people from all over the world; India, Asia, America, California. 

To somewhat digress and give the reader a better understanding of why I feel the way I do towards team...

A professional “team building” organization was hired to run this event. 

The third night’s activity was an exercise designed to stress reliance on and confidence in you co-worker. 

I told the monitor that I was not going to participate in this nonsense as it was not something I wished to do.  He said that I had to and I responded again that I 

The monitor then instructed us to change places. 

Now less the reader get the impression that I am not a team player let me clarify that...

So how did I now find myself trapped in a long hallway with individuals armed with what can best be described as weapons of mass destruction. 

I had watched the Lone Ranger and Roy Rogers while growing up and certainly was closer to a....

The appointed 20 minutes mercifully came to an end and everyone was herded back...

One by one each of the teams were called upon to stand...

The trainer now regained control of the meeting and began by saying that everyone had done an

As the warm up act for the CIO who was to speak next, Ms Trainer continued her assault...